28 October, 2009

He And She - Is it because of destiny or themselves ?

This short story explains about He and She, a complex relationship that started off well but had a break-up all of a sudden because of their own acts. Even if this story seems to be big for a blog post, it could reflect some of your memories at least once before you finish reading.

He: A guy who was very adamant, arrogant and short tempered during his teenage.
A guy who only talks with his fellow guys during college days may be because of his ego or a feeling that why should He go and talk to girls. But now has changed totally opposite and has turned into a responsible person who makes every move with utmost care to handle all the relationships around him.

SHE: A girl who mingles easily with anyone on earth and does anything for people whom She likes most. A girl who can easily attract anyone with her smile, an ambivert, a bit more possessive and egoistic than every other women.
Now She just wanted to enjoy her Life and will do anything for that as Her past was filled with sorrow because of a worst relationship.

For the past three months, they dint have a word with each other and they would blame each other for their act and deny the fact that it’s their inner ego that stopped them from talking. They work in the same company/building but they didn’t meet each other for long time. It was 10 days back, a Friday evening when he saw her on the corridor talking with someone over the phone. He was not willing to see Her as He doesn't want to spoil Her mood rather than saying that He thought He would be insulted. He just took his ipod from his pocket and was looking at it simply whilst crossing her. As He saw from the corner of his eyes, He could hardly get a glimpse of Her. And with in that 12 steps He walked to cross her, He could remember each and every moment that He shared with Her. All the incidents that happened during their 1.5 yrs of relationship flashed his mind,

It was Her who use to call him over the phone frequently during the initial stages as She likes His way of speech and sense of humor. Initially they use to talk twice or thrice a week for a short span of time and this slowly became a regular habit. Then they started to call each other daily which later turned up spending hours together over the phone. It was so new and exciting for Him because He had asked his friends many times that "what you guys will talk with a girl for hours together, will it not be so boring for you?”
And when He started doing the same he blamed his watch for ticking so quickly because He found hours together just passing away as minutes.

One day, it was 1:30 AM, He realized that already they had conversed for more than 3 hours but He couldn’t stop it as He was deeply involved in the same. She narrated her whole college days (4 years) in those three hours. Each and every moment seemed like she had been desperately waiting so long in her Life to narrate the incident that happened to her. It was the best conversation that they had and He would never forget in His Life.

As days passed by, they got to know each other's likes and dislikes well and their friendship grew faster. As they became closer, the expectations became more and that was the root cause of their difference of opinion. They had lots of small rivals and when ever they had some fight they would call each other within a short span of time at least to justify their act or to pacify each other.She used to say "the more we fight, the more we become intimate towards each other”. He always reminds himself with those words whenever they fought for some reasons and try to convince her. After one point of time, they had some kind of feeling towards each other but, He always use to tell His friends that She is just a good friend. It is because, He wanted to keep his feelings under control and doesn't want to cross His limits.

Aug 17th 2008, the day when he felt both the extremes of emotions because of his own mistake which He cannot forget in his Life time. She was too happy when He gave the dress He bought for Her, at the same time His mom was too angry and shocked on hearing the conversation they had. It was his headset which helped his mom to hear the conversation, as he had unknowingly pressed the speed dial (speed dialing set for His dad's mobile number) key in his unlocked mobile kept in his trousers. When He reached home His mom told each and every dialogue that He told her when giving the dress He couldn't even react in such a situation and was unable to defend himself. He felt very guilty for making his parents unhappy and He was the only reason for losing his parents' trust on him.

He was too confused and was ambivalent to continue the relationship.So He thought to get rid of Her but knew that it was not as much easy as He thought because "The greater you show your love and affection towards someone, the greater you feel the pain when you lose them". And deep in his mind He felt that he should not let out the relationship and end it abruptly without any kind of communication because it was She who became very close to Him with in a short span of time. So He just wanted to be a good friend who can accompany her up to certain extent in Life.

October 28th 2008, She was expecting a call only from him at 00:00 hours as it was Her birthday but He turned up only at 10:30 Am to wish her. It was like a name sake wish and this gave her loads of disappointment on the happiest day. He very well knew that she would be expecting his call, but His idea of getting no more closer with her made him do that for which He felt very bad of himself. But even after that, she got convinced and they were talking as usual.

January 14th 2009, 11:29 PM: He started his bike to come back home after dropping Her at the hostel. While driving back home He was recollecting the words that she spoke during the 15 minutes travel from their office to Her hostel. She just asked Him one question which was definitely from her heart. But she was very careful in putting the words and expressing it because she doesn't wants Him to mistake Her. All that He came to know was She liked him very much and it was more than friendship for her.
Being questioned in a such a way by a girl, no guy will wait to propose and it was a nice chance for Him to express his feelings. But He didn't do that, instead passed some comments and made fun of it at that time. Because the moment he heard that, his mom's face flashed his mind, as He very well knew that His mom's priority for his wish would be third and the first two places would be bagged by Caste and Society. And He was just being practical at that moment because She could get a better relationship than Him but He is the only hope for His family.

If He has not been a part of the family where He has to bear all the responsibilities and take care of His sick dad and adolescent sister, He would have gone against his parents.It is not that He did not like her but He doesn't want to shatter three lives for his own happiness.

After that incident, they couldn't get closer to each other. But He was behaving as before, cracking jokes and teasing Her. His same kinda behavior which made her happy during the initial stages now made her think as insults and made her angry that had developed some kind of aversion towards Him. Slowly She stopped talking to him as She use to tell that she would drop something which is troubling and bothering Her much, but He tried to maintain the old friendship and it was all in vain because He didn’t get good response from the other end. So He decided not to disturb Her but it wasn't that easy for Him to forget Her soon. He would be reminded of Her Whenever He hears her favorite song or whenever He thought that He should forget Her or whenever He crosses her bay in their office and this happened at least once daily.

Today, October 28th 2009, He just wanted to wish her at 00:00 hours but even now something is stopping him from wishing because he really doesn't want to spoil her mood for the second consecutive time.He doesn't know whether she would attend his phone call or become happy if he wishes him first.

So as a token of gift he would like to dedicate this post for her and wish her HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! at least here in his own diary of memories.

And It was destiny that made them meet during there training program but,it was their own actions, emotions and feelings that made them feel "So Close ... Yet So Far"

PS: Never break 4 things in our life - Trust, Relation, Promise & Heart because when they break, they don make noise but pains a lot.

23 October, 2009

The X-Factor. Is it serious or Am I taking it seriously?

I was elated when I saw the mail from BlogAdda stating that this post has been selected as one of the top posts for this week's 'Spicy Saturday Picks'.I just cant express my feelings because I was too unhappy when I wrote this post but now I am on cloud nine because of BlogAdda. Thanks to BlogAdda :)

And now, I became a victim of the appraisal system followed in my company. I have heard lot of stories from my friends about organizational politics and about the appraisal system followed in their company and now I think I too can tell them a story about the system followed in my company with which they rate the employees.

The story goes like this, my company follows a bi-annual performance review with which they rate the employees twice a year and give them a salary hike based on their year end performance. For the 2009 - 2010 mid-year appraisal I was pretty confident that I would be given a fair rating as I expected and for the work I did after having discussion with my appraiser. But I was disappointed when I saw my rating and I was not at all happy on the number that was given to me for the work I have done during the last 6 months. There were lot of heated arguments in the post-rating discussion that lasted for more than 45 minutes, but at the end of the day it was all anger and disappointment that accompanied me to my home. To get rid of all my tension and pressure and to have good sleep I told everything to my dad whom I consider as my advisor in every aspect of LIFE. He is also my role model as he worked so hard to come up and bring us to this level in LIFE.

The next day, Friday I went late to office and I had no mood to work. I called my appraiser again for a discussion, but she was busy with her work. At this time I got a forward sms from my dad that stated, "If people around are trying to pull down, it means that you are above them! Be proud, attitude it matters". This message brought a smile on my face as he tried to pacify me, but I was thinking again and again of what and how to talk and I prepared myself for the discussion. The day passed by, my watch struck 6:00 PM and the whole bay looked dry as it was a Friday evening. But I just wanted to finish off the discussion or else I will spoil my weekend by keep on thinking the uncertain and unfair things that happened to me. I again got a sms from my dad again asking for the status of the discussion. Now he advised me not to become angry while discussing and not to argue too much as these things would be decided by the HRD and top level managers, so there won't be much use in arguing. He also quoted the famous slogan which his company employees used to say, "Executive work for manager... Manager work for themselves”. On seeing that message, I thought of leaving the office without having the discussion as I became very tired of waiting for the whole long day and when it was quarter past 6 , my appraiser called me for the discussion.

I explained all the work that I did in the last 6 months and I only expected some credit and recognition for that. I relatively compared myself and the work done with my friend who was given a better rating.(I just compared the work and not the rating... I even did this because when the appraiser just compares and rates relatively, why should I not do this while justifying my work.. ) But, to be frank I dint bother about his rating and I dint compare my rating with his rating. I just expected a number which I even told my appraiser during my initial discussion before giving rating. I dint ask for something that cannot be given for me and it was all a fraction of number that disturbed me this much because I consider the rating as a motivational factor and not as a mere number.

But, after putting down all my questions to my appraiser , the answer I constantly got for most of questions was, 'This is how the system works, and this is how we have been asked to do’. And during the discussion only I got to know about the so called appraisal system that is being followed. They do some sort of numbering and rank the employees who work in the same project to achieve a common goal and then rate them relatively in a scale of 5.

I will say that the appraisal process that is followed in my company is mere playing with numbers and it is just to get the work done from the employee by setting some goals and attributes. But at the end of the year, they do add some amount of money to your salary. I strongly feel that the system which is being followed to arrive at the X-factor is the draw back of my company and not all the employees would be benefited or recognized with such a kind of rating system. It is one out of the blue who get the real recognition and credit for the work done.

I don’t even want to use the word 'my company' anymore as I am just one amongst the 1.4 lakh people who work day and night for money, losing their precious time without even enjoying the LIFE. After all everybody is working for money, but there is something beyond that. You can name it as satisfaction, the happy feeling that you will have after completing a task successfully which develops self-confidence in oneself and motivates to perform better and better. It would be apt if I quote what Mr.Narayanamoorthy said," Don't Love your company, Love your job because you may not know when your company will stop loving you."

Some people may say that if your company is benefited you will be benefited, but I would say that, it is always the company which is being benefited at the end and not the employee. They don’t care about the employee's inner feelings or emotions. But at the end of the day, it is the employee who gets de-motivated, deflated because of the unfair judgment.

When I narrated this to my dad, he just told me, “Don’t get de-motivated by this, because there is a long way to go in your life and you have now only stepped into the organization. Just think and play this different ball game carefully”. From then I was thinking and working on how to handle such a situation and how to get a better rating in the future or even I can say that I am preparing myself for not to care or worry much about this motivational/de-motivational factor.